How we wish that life should be smooth sailing and without any discomfort. But the
truth is that it is not. You will find yourself between a rock and a hard place. There will
be times when you question is it worth the effort. It will feel at times that when you take
one progressive step forward you also take six backwards. The question that I seek to
answer is how do we overcome failure, obstacles, and pain?
Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from adversities. There are those
among us that simply see the bad only in an unwelcome situation, but there are also the
rare ones that take noted of the obstacle, failure or pain and seek the equivalent benefit
that the situation provides. Yes, there is always something that can be taken from all
that life has to offer more so in situations that we do not want ourselves to be in.
Resilience requires one to maintain a positive mindset although things are not positive.
We must keep fighting within us by saying to ourselves that although things may be as
they are that we will not allow this to dictate our state of mind, and continuously try to
take control and direct our thoughts.
We cannot control how people treat us and we cannot always control what happens to
us, we can’t bring back those we lost through death, we can’t change those around us
to be what we want them to be, but what we have absolute control over is what we
choice to put in our minds. We can direct our thoughts and maintain a positive outlook in
the mist of negativity.
There is an old saying which I hate to my bones: “Ones a failure always a failure.”
Thoughts like these will make you fear failure, it will keep you to operate in the dominion
of mediocrity. You will never be able to fulfil your potential. Take responsibility for all
your failures by looking at how you contributed to them and for God’s sake learn from
your mistakes. The world is full of people that failed in numerous tasks, but they just
keep at it until when they least expected the impossible become possible. It is important
to have a goal, but what is more important is who you become in pursuit of your goal,
whether you fail or succeed is not as important as who you become, failure can develop
persistence, faith and resilience and totally transform your character. After reading a
book by Napoleon Hill, “Think and grow rich” these words stood out for: “Every
adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it an equal or greater benefit.”
The sources of emotional pain are grief, loss, trauma, stress, or toxic relationships. As I
was growing up, I had an absent father. This abandonment bothered me. After a few
years I lost my mother. Although I had my grandparents, I felt something was missing
and after the burial of my mother I tried to contact my father. Upon meeting him, he
made it clear to me that he is not prepared to develop a relationship with me. You know
I never really proceed the rejection I got, for many years and this travelled with me. The
point I am making is that I used unhealthy coping mechanism such as substances to
numb my feelings. It went for counselling, writing, and expressing myself that I learned
to overcome my emotional pain. As we continue to live there will always be emotional
pain that we will encounter and learning to accept whatever it is that will cause us pain
is an imperative step towards the healing process.
Lastly a companion of failure is an obstacle. We fail in life because we encounter
obstacles that stops us in our tracks. To overcome an obstacle, it is critical to evaluate
the problem, gain a new perspective on the issues, when you have been dealing with
the obstacle for a long duration; ask yourself if I am going to start all over again what will
I do differently? Be relentlessly committed to your goal. Carol Dweck said: “The passion
for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is a
hallmark of the growth mindset.” What I learn from this statement is that if there is
something that I can do to alter the outcome, I ought to stay committed and do all that is
in my power although it may seem pointless.
It is my desire that just as I am encouraged by these few words so should you. Let us
make a continuous effort to the desire of our hearts. I leave you with the words of
Napoleon Hill: “Oh divine Providence, I ask not for more riches but for more wisdom
with to make wiser use of the riches you gave me at birth in the form of power to control
and direct my mind to whatever ends I desire.”
By Remigio Angelo Dingashe
